hannibal handball hands reds (another) handy late winner
the hit
“Hands To Myself,” Selena Gomez (2015)
“Can’t keep my hands to myself.
I mean, I could, but why would I want to?”
- Hannibal Mejbri
9/14 | premier league | burnley 0, liverpool 1
Lineup: Alisson, Szoboszlai, Konate, Van Dijk, Kerkez, Gravenberch, Mac Allister, Wirtz, Salah, Gakpo, Ekitike. With three experienced senior right-backs available, Slot went with Dom again, which I found surprising. After a minor injury versus Arsenal, Curtis Jones wasn’t ready for the bench. The only other major absentee was our new #9, Alexander Isak, whose fitness is being carefully monitored in the wake of the Great Summer Strike of 2025.
This game had everything: statistical insanity, midfield maestros, a ruthless Slot substitution, and another Mo Salah disappearing act — until the 95th minute, anyway. Special thanks to an old friend.
the stats
In 96 minutes, Liverpool amassed 27 shot attempts and 13 corners with a whopping 81% possession, yielding an xG of 2.75 (admittedly inflated by Salah’s penalty). We crossed the ball 44 times. Conversely, Burnley finished with an xGOT of 0.00. They managed to complete only 81 passes in the game — an average of well under one complete pass per minute — and didn’t touch the ball in our box in the second half. It was a bus-parking job so unabashed, even the staunchest Liverpool hater couldn’t dress it up as a “clever effort” to “sit in and hit us on the break.”
The laser focus and effort Burnley showed to keep it at 0-0 as long as they did was undeniably impressive. They blocked everything — a total of 12 shots in the end, limiting us to four shots on goal. And that’s at the heart of what became a very frustrating watch. Even with our territorial dominance and complete comfort at the back, we didn’t carve out enough clearcut chances against a team that will more than likely find themselves back in the Championship a year from now. It’s what has pundits and rival fan channels saying how lucky we were to get over the line. How unlucky Burnley was to get punished by a mistake so late in the game.
Two things about that:
We should expect to create more against the likes of Burnley. We need to start playing better, period. But we created more than enough to win this game. At 11’ on the dot, Ibou Konate headed a corner over when he was just a yard from goal. Shortly after Andy Robertson was introduced, he ‘megged a man at the top of the box and found himself in a great shooting position, but decided he was prime Quaresma and his shot went straight at Dubravka. Ekitike, Gravenberch, and Wirtz all missed the target by a foot or less. Szobo fizzed a 30-yarder toward goal, but it was central enough for Dubravka to palm over. Chiesa missed a wide open header from a fantastic Robertson cross. At 90 + 2’, Ngumoha rolled one of the best passes of the game across the box to fellow substitute Frimpong — with a clear shot from just six yards, he went with his instep and hit it straight at the keeper.
Most of the time, one of those hits the back of the net. Konate’s in particular.
When you decide to park the bus, even if you do so to near perfection, you’re automatically more susceptible to conceding from “unlucky” situations. Because Burnley let us set up camp in their defensive third, their odds of committing a foul in the box, deflecting a shot into their own goal, or, yes, giving away a handball, were heightened — and because they carried zero threat of their own, any of these occurrences was always going to decide the game.
I remember two occasions when Jose Mourinho came to Anfield, once with United and once with Spurs. Two deflected Shaqiri shots won it against United and a late Firmino header from a corner won it against Spurs. In both games, Mourinho’s game plan was to keep his team compact and try to counter, even if it meant surrendering possession in and around their own box. After both games, he argued his team controlled the game out of possession and deserved more. I didn’t buy that argument then and I don’t buy it now. If you let the opposition have the ball near your goal again and again and again, no matter how resolutely you defend, you’re asking to concede. There are exceptions, but choosing to sit in, especially when you don’t have the lead, is a tactical admission that you’re the inferior team.
the midfield
I’d like to start by asking what Alexis Mac Allister did to our friends at the PGMOL. Maybe he used to date one of their wives. Maybe he missed one of them in the autograph line or crop dusted one of them during a game. Whatever the case, he got a straight red for this in his first season with the Reds. Since then, he’s been on the wrong end of studs-up challenges from Doku, Tarkowski, and now Ugochukwu, none of which were deemed reds (Doku’s, because it was in the box, wasn’t even called a foul). Macca hasn’t gotten back up to speed since the end of last season, and getting annihilated 15 minutes into this one was the last thing he needed. It also made it difficult to assess the rest of his performance before Bradley replaced him at halftime.
On a positive note, Wirtz ran this game for long stretches, particularly after halftime when we started moving the ball quicker and taking on defenders more often. His close control and interplay on the edge of the box allowed us to find pockets of space in Burnley’s air-tight banks of five and five. If anything, I wouldn’t have minded a little more selfishness in dangerous areas. His first thought was always to combine with teammates, even when he may have had the chance to shift the ball and shoot.
Ryan Gravenberch was a joy to behold, and probably the MOTM. His chipped first touch over the head of Burnley’s Foster, if he meant it, was what our friends across the Atlantic call “taking the piss,” and his ability to turn and open the field was a constant springboard for wave after wave of Liverpool attacks. Zubimendi and Caicedo are great players, who I was bummed to miss out on when we were linked with them, but I wouldn’t trade this guy as our six for anyone — not Rice, not Tchouameni, not Rodri, not nobody.
While I felt for Macca, Getting Bradley on and moving Szoboszlai into midfield was one of the tactical moves that led to a markedly improved second half. Dom hoovered up 50-50s and Conor was a standout up and down the right sideline, often overlapping Salah to create an overload and force defenders into uncomfortable spots.
new team nincompoop?
There’s always one.
Almost a decade ago, I was in Zagreb, Croatia on the day of the 2016 Europa League Final between Liverpool and Sevilla. I was wearing a Philippe Coutinho jersey. A Croatian man approached me.
“Liverpool. You know Dejan Lovren?”
One of our starting center backs at the time. Of course I know him, I answered.
“Dumbest man in all Croatia,” the man said. Then he walked away.
I actually think Dejan Lovren is underrated in terms of pure footballing ability. Great athlete. Brave. Better on the ball than you probably remember. But the guy was so prone to silly mistakes and bad positioning that it’s the first thing people recall when they hear his name.
Scarily, left back Alberto Moreno overlapped with Dejan. He even started alongside him in the 2016 final. Another technically gifted footballer with a great left foot and a great motor, but he’d get caught 40 yards too high and cost us on a counter attack, or dive in and give away a penalty, or stop to tie his shoes at a bad time.
Prior to this season, the obvious incarnation of this player is Darwin Nunez. Passionate, freakishly athletic, unpredictable. But the guy lived offside, seldom chose the right finish in goal-scoring positions, and let his emotions get the best of him, especially after missing chances (this happened a lot).
In all seriousness, I love those guys. All three were champions with Liverpool. But they’re all gone now, and someone must take Darwin’s place.
The early frontrunner, by a distance, is new starting left back Milos Kerkez.
The 21-year-old was a hot summer prospect and a great get for Liverpool. Rightfully named to last season’s PFA Team of the Year, his pace, aggression, willingness to get up and down, and crossing ability all catch the eye. He was horrible to play against in last year’s Bournemouth team.
He deserves grace after an up-and-down start to life at Liverpool: for such a young guy, this is an immense challenge and he’s part of a new team, learning to work with new personnel and philosophies. It’s also worth mentioning that after two tough outings against Bournemouth and Newcastle, he bounced back in a big way versus Arsenal.
The bottom line is that, while playing on the front foot is the name of his game, he needs to show more self control. He sells out too often as a defender, going to ground, going through the back of players, and committing fouls in bad areas when he could move his feet and contain instead. After a beautiful exchange with Gravenberch freed him up for a cross in the first half of this contest, he chose to dive to draw a penalty. No contact. In the VAR era. He was rightfully booked, but kept playing with the same recklessness. With the Burnley fans and players pressuring Michael Oliver to send him off, Slot hooked him on 38’ and brought on Robertson. IMHO, it was the right call and I give Slot credit for prioritizing the team over sparing Kerkez the embarrassment.
Having said that, Kerkez is our future at LB and has tons of potential. Slot will persist with him and we need to get behind him, Team Nincompoop or not. Also, shout out to Robbo, who I thought was exceptional. He deserves serious minutes in this congested run of games.
missing: mo salah, age 33, last seen last season
Last year’s runaway POTY just hasn’t put it together yet this campaign. He completed a grand total of zero dribbles in this game and killed a lot of promising attacks with misplaced crosses. He stank. Hartman, the Burnley left back, did have his arms hooked under his pits in a bear hug most of the time, so that couldn’t have helped.
Credit where it’s due — huge penalty after Hannibal’s boo boo. Basically the last action of the game, after you’ve been horrible for the entire duration and you’ve sent your last two spot kicks to the moon. I’m not ashamed to admit I couldn’t watch. Just listened then lifted my head to see the lads celebrating in the sickest kits in world football.
Onto Atletico and Everton. I’m sure there won’t be any fouls.